I never knew when God told me on Jan. 4, 2010, while facing going back to the same job I’d almost had a nervous break down doing 3+ years earlier, that I’d be taking this God given gift of Photography to full time status, just what He had in store for me.
Back Story: No really! Literally I was in the bathroom floor shaking and crying because I just.couldn’t.do.it anymore! My sup had sent another employee to check on me, and then he approved me to go home early and take the weekend to think about if I could do Customer Care anymore. Well I’d made up my mind that I couldn’t. I knew I physically couldn’t. Mentally couldn’t. Emotionally COULDN’T. And I’m a STRONG person who doesn’t let anyone know when I’m struggling because failure is NOT an option, but customer service beat me DOWN, and that job I promise you was and is hell.on.earth! Anyway, I get to my car and just let loose crying. Sobs of desperation because I had no clue what I was going to do but I knew on Monday there was no way I could step back in that place and be on those phones! Well, HE delivered me! My phone rang and it was HR telling me I’d been “promoted” and I’d start training…on Monday! PRAISE THE LORD!
Now, back to Jan. 4th, 2010. I sat there pondering about what to do. I knew I couldn’t go back to doing what almost gave me a nervous breakdown, but there I was no other plan besides this voice, peace, and CALM that kept saying “Photography. I’ve got this. I know the plans I have for you, just JUMP and I’ve got you!” A few called me crazy (some of them still do) as what sane person just throws caution to the wind, leaving behind a severely nice pay package complete with 401k and amazing health insurance? A true follower of Jesus that’s who! Think of what He called the disciples to do…and what they did!
I’m not saying I’m John, or Peter, or Paul, but you get my point. He says go and you have to go. And go I did. I lept head first into this passion, this drive, this art form of capturing LIFE, and left behind every thing secure and comfortable that I’d known.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that heeding His calling to share His gift with the world would lead to so much angst, heartache, stress, sleeplessness, exhaustion, out right “I’m giving up” and “That’s it! I quit!” battles that owning my own business has led to.
Never in my wild imagination did I ever foresee just how much I’d have to work and how little I’d get paid! I mean I went from straight 8 hours 5 days a week for 40 hour work weeks (sometimes 50-60 depending on the OT, but that was rare for me!) to 16-18 sometimes 24 straight hour days. No OT, No double OT, but operating in the Red because that’s the “norm” for a new business in it’s first 3-5 years.
Never did I ever think that following God’s plan for my life would lead me to living my dream, and that dream at times sucking the LIFE right out of me! Those are things no one seems to tell you when you own your own business, or when you dive in head first to God’s plan.
The amazing part is though that even though it’s almost 3 years later, and if anything I’m MORE stressed out now given all I’ve learned and that’s led to what I still have to learn in order to get where I want to be, I KNOW without a shadow of doubt that this is right where He wants me to be. I’m moving along at the pace He wants me to be running, and in His perfect timing I’ll have all my dreams come true. In His perfect time all of the depravity, aching, suffering, tears, fits, stress, exhaustion, nerves, and down right HARD aspect of it all will be worth it. Worth every.single.bit.
This business has MY name on it. ME. I am BraskaJennea Photography. A name I am proud to carry, and, like my business, is unique and fits me. I will not compare myself to other photographers, but only to the one I USED to be. I love that quote. I will not look back and long for what I know now as that will do me no good, but I will look back on those first images, and even ones from this year, and be ever so thankful that I’m not who I was when I first started. I will praise Him from whom ALL blessings flow…even if at times it seems like a curse or a burden I cannot bear.
So, I say that to say this. God knew way back then that there would come times when I would have to throw in the towel. When I would just have too much on me, mostly because I am only OCD about producing the most perfect images I can, but also because I can’t afford to hire help so this really is a one woman show, and occasionally I would need to let go. To run away and hear Him speak. Let HIM calm my soul, quiet my weary spirit, and just SHOW me His wonderful works, and how HE makes all things new and beautiful in some of the most astounding, and simplest of ways. He knew that my most favorite place is Gatlinburg, and THERE is where He would meet me, just where I was, and with just what I needed.
Gatlinburg. The second word that gets me all hyped up like a spider monkey on Mountain Dew. The first being “SNOW” of course. So, after 9 days on the road traveling literally all across Tennessee, and in to Little Rock, Arkansas for sessions, he woke me up bright and early on a Monday morning, completely spent and out right beaten…after only 4 hrs sleep no less, and off to Gatlinburg my mom and I went. I had no idea what lay before me…only this compulsion to go.
2 years ago I was blessed enough on a whim ride to the mountains by myself to see a rare site. Fall color with SNOW. I’ve wanted to see it again since then, and that day I’d hoped but wasn’t too optimistic. We drove up the scenic route bypassing Wears Valley and Pigeon Forge, but we missed getting to head up 441, a.k.a. Newfound Gap Road, by TEN minutes! TEN! To say I was upset was an understatement. I KNEW what that meant….there was SNOW up there…snow I wasn’t getting to see
I conned mom in to staying the night, something she NEVER does…EVER, in hopes of getting to go up the next morning when they opened the road. Well, she gave in, but I never got to go up to my favorite spot in Gatlinburg…that trip
And seeing some of the snow images from a few days after when the road did open up from where Hurricane Sandy had dumped almost 2 feet of snow up top on my favorite spot, and almost 3 feet on Mount Leconte, didn’t help.
BUT We did see one BREATHTAKING site…something I’ve only seen twice in my life, and something I hope I can see A LOT more of…. Fall Color coated in SNOW! If you haven’t seen this site yourself, I suggest getting a 4WD vehicle and adding it to your bucket list.
I drove us up Roaring Fork Motor Nature Trail where just a month before I’d shot some Senior pictures when it was all green and fresh. (You can see those Here.) Only my second time ever going up there…in alllll the trips I’ve made to my beloved GBurg and heard of this place I’d never been! I’m telling you I am so thankful my clients seem to hate studio photography as much as me so, they seek out wonderful and different places…places like Roaring Fork!
We got to to top of the trail right before you head back down and we slid a few times in the mud, slush mixture (hence why I said get a 4WD just in case!), and the bright hues popping under sheaths of white really struck me! No matter how bright or dirty we think our sins may be to the world Jesus’ blood comes through, when we ask Him to come sweep over our soul like the flakes on the leaves, and COVERS that bright spot in a fresh, new, PURE, and unstained coat. WOW! What a parallel! I didn’t personally need that reminder then, as I’ve always loved that aspect of the snow. Truthfully that’s a large part of why I always pray for a LOT of it…so it’ll cover everything in pure, beauty, and hopefully remind someone of that old song “to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot, Oh Lamb of God I come…I come!”
So, I pray that whoever I was to capture those images for that you let Him cover those seemingly too bright stains/sins with His grace and mercy. Whoever sees these will know that He loves us all soooo much that He shed his pure blood to make our sinful stains as white as the fallen snow!
After that we headed to eat, and then back to our hotel where I stayed awake most of the night watching for the snow to start falling…but it never did! The weather prediction kept pushing it back, and back, until it said 4 am…and I wasn’t staying up til 4am on my mini-cation.
We rose early the next morning to NO snow
and 441 was still closed. So, we had breakfast, and then headed to take the Sky Tram up to Ski Mountain. Also known as Ober! Mom had never been, and I’d never been in the fall. The site that was about to unfold before me…well…I just stood there in amazement! I’d never seen snow look more beautiful! I’d seen it down low, looking UP at the trees, but looking down and watching as BRIGHT, VIVID, Fall leaves changed over to “sugar” coated scenes straight out of a Kincaid painting just made me silent. I wished there weren’t windows in the way! You know I’d have been the one crazy person who leaned out just a little too far to grab a picture, and over I’d have went…but as long as someone saved the memory card I’d have considered it a WIN
We came back down and I immediately didn’t want to leave. That feeling of dread always comes over me when it’s time to depart my beloved GBurg. We had to though. I had to. I had (and still have) sessions to work on and Christmas props to work on! We took the long, scenic way out again and decided a stop in Cades Cave was a necessity as well. God wasn’t done granting me surprises either.
I’d NEVER seen, nor shot obviously, a bear! Hundreds of trips to those Great Smoky Mountains, and never ONE bear shot! I had seen one a few weeks earlier on the Senior shoot, but I was driving and we were in a rush to not lose light so I didn’t get to shoot it. BUT this day I would. I’d just uttered the words “I’m goin’ on a bear hunt…gonna shoot a bear” when up ahead near the beginning of the loop a bunch of people are stopped, out of their cars and looking in a row of trees. I ask the gentleman walking what it was and he pointed out a BEAR…IN a tree! No big deal right? Bear in tree! BUT this little fellas WAAAAY up there, looking a bit frantic and “dancing” around on branches that I still don’t know how they held him!
So, I parked, hopped a fence, darted horse apples in a muddy field…in my furry boots no doubt, and joined the bear-pointer-out man just outside a double row of fences that separated us and the “high-wire” bear. We kept an eye on the trees for momma bear, but thankfully she never showed! I had my telephoto 70-200 lens but that wasn’t close enough to get this death defying black bear. SOOOO thanks to the zoom/crop feature in my editing software I got a closer glimpse of him. Annnd I LOVE it! One day maybe I’ll get a close up, and live to show it, but for now I hope you all enjoy “high-wire” or “death defying” bear.
I came home late that evening and went to bed. I had a wonderful, deep sleep like I hadn’t had in so long. God showed out during my little 36 hour adventure, and even though it seemed too short I felt more relaxed and refreshed than I have in too long. He knew EXACTLY what I needed and just when I needed it.
If you’re still hanging in here after this mini-novel I promise you there’s photos
TONS! I sincerely hope you love them, and add Gatlinburg’s Great Smoky Mountains National Park (GSMNP for short) in the Fall WITH Snow to your bucket list. There’s really nothing quite like it!
P.S. Any of these images are available for purchase in print, gallery block, or canvas! Just sayin’
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“High Wire” Bear
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The sunset when we were almost home. The way the clouds just dip like looking under the water just mystifies me!
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